Part4- good excuse this time

So finally, finally, finally last week I was released to go home. Finally! I had been “graduated” from rehab, complete with signed (by the various therapists and nurses) with my certificate of completion handed to me as I was wheeled out moaning in agony as I was brought to another floor (I can’t even remember which at this point, but either general or gi). They were all so sweet. Everybody in the hospital pretty much knew me at this point. Many were confused wondering why I was still there since I was supposed to have gone home from rehab. The vast majority of the nurses and therapists were really wonderful, so nice and very caring. It really helped, but especially those last days when I was in such a crisis with being sick and in pain, to know that they were all rooting and praying for me. Many of them came in and told me every day they saw me that they had been praying for me. I am not a religious person (I am a spiritual person, just not tied to a religion) but ALL prayers are deeply appreciated. I truly know that they have helped me get through a lot of the particularly big crisis in my life. Like Z.’s very early prematurity (my 7 weeks of hospital bedrest and her 8 weeks in the NICU), our fertility treatments to have her, all the cancer crap etc. My first gyn onc once told me I was the kind of person who took lemons and made lemonade in my life. Believe me, there are many times I just want to let the lemonades rot and feed them to whatever animal will eat them, but I try not to go to that place too often, doesn’t help. I find that each crisis requires me to resist it, hate it, throw it against the wall, but then I adjust, the new normal we call it. I’ll admit that I have quite had it with this phase of this crisis, but since I am finding small improvements, like better upper body strength, I cling to those for hope that it will get better.

So eventually last week I was released from the hell of the hospital and we are home. It’s not easy here but so much better. A. is my hero, there is no way we could do this without both his emotional and physical strength. My aunt is coming tomorrow for a month (or maybe more) to live here and help out. That is going to be so great, she can help in so many ways so A. doesn’t get burned out. I told him, there’s no way I could take care of him the way he does me. He’s truly amazing. It kills me to have to wake him up in the middle of the night to use the bedpan or ask for something to eat (because if I get hungry I have to eat quickly or I go into pain and terrible gasiness which of course causes pain.

Digestion is probably my worst thing right now, trying to find foods that are low fiber, low fat, don’t cause reflux or hurt my stomach. My MIL’s matzah ball soup goes down really well, as does that really thin Pepperidge farm sandwich bread. Also mango water ice. Poor A. has to make my meal and then something different often for them (and sometimes they eat different things too). That should be easier when my aunt is here.

Okay so hopefully that’s a good synopsis and from now on I can write about my current days.

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