12! I know I say this every year, but I can’t believe she is 12 already! The last year before the official teen years begin. Wow, we have come so far from that day 12 years ago when my water broke at 4am and the cerclage (a stitch “holding” my cervix closed, kind of) was taken out at 29 weeks gestation. I still remember the sound she made after coming out, kind of sounded more like a cat meowing than a baby crying.
This has been a year of big changes for Z. Last birthday she was wearing boys clothes and talking like a boy and trying to be a boy. This birthday was all about being a girl, the clothes, the hair, the girlfriends, the talk. It’s been a big transformation. Last year was anger and cancer, this year it’s much happier and (as far as we know) cancer free.
School was one of her best years yet, a real enthusiasm for learning (even if she whined about “hating math” a lot) and her first year of real grades (which were excellent). Her piano playing really improved also, and she spent a lot of time this year composing her own music. Creatively she is just as gifted as she’s always been but it’s maturing. Her fantasy world (“the comic”) has gotten more complex and incorporates the “real” world more. Only the comic world does not have cancer, disease or death.
So Z., I know the last few years have been difficult for you, trying to navigate all the changes in your life and deal with your mom’s disease. It’s been hard for me being the brunt of your anger, I mean I completely understand it and accept it, but it’s still has been hard to have that between us. This past year your anger has been dissipating and I am feeling a closeness between us that I haven’t felt in a long time. You are happy, deep down happy, and I am so thrilled to be able to share in your happiness. It has been exciting seeing you grow, watching you discover new parts of yourself, enjoying yourself instead of trying to stifle the changes that are inevitable as you grow up. I know that we will have rough times ahead, no one gets through the teen years smoothly, but I am feeling hopeful that we can weather them together.
We’ll spend the day together hanging out this morning, going to see a movie, going to your last piano lesson of the school year, having dinner together with Dad, going out for decadent ice cream for your birthday dessert and opening your birthday presents (which includes tickets to the American Idol tour in August, so you can see your beloved Scott live and in person!). I hope this coming year is your best yet! I love you sweet pea!
Happy Birthday Z! Hope she’s having a wonderful day!
Happy happy birthday! I hope she didn’t read your blog post and find out about the tickets ahead of time :^)
Z. knows I have a blog but not where it is. I did have to keep flipping screens as I was writing it though as she was walking in and out of the room.
So, as I expected, she went crazy when she found out about the tickets to the concert! We had her open everything else (some Wii games, a book and a Webkinz owl) and then paused a bit. Then I said, oh yeah there’s one more thing and handed her her bday card. She thought oh, okay it’s just my bday card. I made the card on the computer and the inside had a photo promo from the tour and my “congratulations” etc. about the tickets inside. She went nuts! She was bubbling and nutty all night till she finally fell asleep. Makes it worth every penny 🙂