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Archive for February, 2010

blah, blah

The scan-itis is beginning, too early I’m afraid. I’ll be having my PET-scan in less than 2 weeks and I think it’s beginning to get to me because I have not been handling stuff real well today. Doesn’t help that my 12 year old picked a fight with me this afternoon by basically telling me that I was a bad influence on her. I’m not really even sure why, about all I got out of her was that I had done something (not sure what, got mad at her I think?) and because of this she did something today at school and it was all my fault. Before we got too far she pulled out of the conversation and did the room slamming not talking to mom thing. Well, being the mature person I am, I decided I could play that game too so decided not to talk to her. LOL, she never wins that game and sure enough by dinner, as I was having a very interesting conversation with A. about the HBO film on Temple Grandin (who is autistic and has designed a humane system for cattle slaughter that is used by over 50% of North American slaughterhouses, according to the movie) she couldn’t help but get into the conversation and by the end of dinner was chatting away as usual.

I think part of my problem is the steroid withdrawal. I’m almost done with them, I think Wed. is my last day actually. It’s been making me wake up nauseous and I do think it’s had an effect on my mood. I’m also more tired than usual, although still having to force myself to get into bed at night. It’s easy to find myself wandering up there after 1 or 2 am if I’m not careful. See, it’s 12:30am right now, so I will get off the computer now and get myself up there before 1am!

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Winter Wonderland

This is our 2nd snowstorm since Saturday (when we got around 18″) and it’s practically a white out in our backyard right now. Thought I’d share a few pictures of our backyard (just click on the thumbnails and you will get medium-sized images, if you click on those you should get large-sized images). The poor birds have been at the bird feeder all day. A. has gone out there once this afternoon to try to clear off the feeder, clear some of the snow off the large beech tree branches and some of our larger shrubs that seemed in danger of breakage from the weight of the snow. I love how the pictures look like they were taken in black and white, but they weren’t, they were taken in color.

It’s just crazy out there, with what seems like no end in sight in terms of the snowfall (I haven’t a clue what we have gotten but the predictions are for another 18″). Oh well, we are warm inside (relatively speaking, our house is always cold but I have a sweater and a down vest on with my microwave back thing on for my back pain so feel pretty warm) and have plenty of food, and Z. will be having yet another snow day tomorrow (brings it up to 3 this week, but her school is saying they will be going back on Friday,hopefully but we’ll see, the city is absolutely paralyzed right now). Since A. works from home most of the time now it hasn’t affected him much (his coworkers are all over the country and also can work from home) except for all that shoveling he has ahead of him (ouch!). I got out to my support group yesterday so have at least gotten out of the house once this week so maybe I won’t go completely stir crazy :-). I’ve done catch up things today, laundry, email, some of the internet stuff that has backed up the last few weeks (my computer vision is finally back to normal). While it’s all white and pretty out there now, what a nightmare it is going to be over the next week or so driving around and parking (living in the city, parking on the streets is impossible when we have a heavy snow, never mind two of them on top of each other) so I am not looking forward to that, but am glad that at least this is a slow week for us, unlike next week when various dr. and other appts. are scheduled, but hopefully by then the streets will be cleared.

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rolling along

I’ve been neglectful about posting again, I don’t really know why. It’s not that I don’t have things to say, and I have sat down to write and then gotten distracted a number of times. So with some gentle nudging here I am 🙂

I did go to see my gyn onc yesterday for my regular appt. (about 6 months this time, but he wants me back in 4 the next time). It’s not really much of a big deal, pelvic exam and bringing him up to speed about what I’ve been going through the last 6 months. He had the basic information, but I filled him in on the most recent stuff. I didn’t have copies of my scans, since the ones I’ve had since Sept. have been done at my other hospital and I haven’t taken the time yet to find out where and how to get my records, (he is at the hospital I originally had treatment at, now I see the med onc, rad onc and pain people at a different hospital and just see him from the original place, but previously was having all my scans done there also).

So not much new there. Basically I am just moving along. I am not really feeling better, not really feeling worse, but on any given day I might be feeling one or both of those things. This past week I finally dropped down a bit on my steroid dose (up till now I have been on the 2nd step down dose for about 3 weeks or so I think). I got a kick up in pain this past Saturday which was no fun, but was finally able to get control of it by the time I went to bed. It was also our first time away from home since maybe October (when pain kicked up and treatment started) so sleeping in a different bed. That could have made things worse also.

I’ve been feeling pretty good mentally these past weeks, I think the steroids actually helped with that. I have noticed a change since dropping the dose. I don’t feel quite so compulsive about keeping things in order. That was kind of an odd feeling, not one of my usual ones anyway, but it was really nice as the house was looking pretty good all the time LOL! I’ve been organizing and sorting and getting rid of old crap which has been great not only in how the house looks, but in that it gave me some sense of control I think. I certainly have no control over the path of my recovery and how the pain is manifesting itself. I have noticed since dropping the steroid dose this past week that my frustration in how slow the recovery is has increased. I am still taking it one step at a time, but that in combination with the next scan getting closer (in about a month) is creeping into my mind more and more.

We’re looking forward though and want to take another trip this month (we just went up to visit family in CT this past weekend and also I met with the realtor and signed the papers to get my mom’s condo onto the market). We’d like to go to DC and see the terra cotta warriors show at the National Geographic Museum and also poke around the American History museum as it wasn’t open yet the last time we were there and Z. hasn’t ever been there. I’d like us to get there before before my scan so that if things don’t go well with it and I have to start treatment it won’t interfere.

So, that’s basically it. I’m doing well all things considered and feel basically productive (within my limitations) and holding my own with the pain issues. I’ve gotten a much better handle on my blood sugars (in doing some research the fact that it took a while for my body to respond to my efforts isn’t unusual) and in fact am going to talk to my dr. this week about cutting back (or out) one of my meds. A. has been working hard but mostly from home since his office moved downtown. It’s not worth the effort and money (train or parking) to be in the office since the vast majority of his job does not require him to be in any particular place (just on the phone and computer). It’s a really nice commute, down the stairs from his 3rd floor office to “honey I’m home!” 🙂 Z. has been having a bit of a rough time recently, friend troubles mostly, but she is doing a good job of handling it all I think. So far this week seems much better, let’s hope it gets smoother for her for a while. I would never, never, never want to relive being 12 again!

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