Archive for April, 2009


This weekend I begin the process of going through my mother’s things. It’s so strange. I can on the one hand be kind of distant about it, these are the things I want, these are the things to give to family, things to give away, throw out, etc. But I am pretty sure my stomach will be churning through the whole thing. I’m not really a crier, so I doubt that will be my reaction (but who knows), but running to the bathroom could be.

It will certainly makes my mother’s death seem more real. I had a dream last night with both my mom and my late sister in it. My sister had come back to life in the dream, kind of like a game there was some kind of rule that we didn’t know about that could bring her back. But not my mom for some reason, I think it was too soon.

I think I am anxious to get a few of my mom’s things to have with me. Not that things are replacements, but I want some of her things around me in my house. It just seems comforting somehow.


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New home!

Welcome to my new blog home! It just seems a little more civilized over here at wordpress. I hope I am right!

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Long time

It has been a very long time since I have posted and a lot of things have happened during that time. The big thing is that not long after my last post to the blog my mother died unexpectedly. I quickly flew down to FL to be with my father for a few days and then once home was unable to post to my blog about my mother because my niece and nephew (both away at college) didn’t know she had passed. My BIL/SIL wanted to wait until after their final exams and they were home for spring break to tell them (we also arranged the funeral for when they were home). I don’t think they actually read my blog but my BIL was afraid they might come across it so I didn’t post.

So there was about a month or so before my mom’s funeral (we did have a small funeral while in FL, but this was the church mass and burial- well, technically the internment (or whatever it is called) of her ashes. Once I got back home from CT I was so emotionally drained I couldn’t post. The more time that went by, the harder it was. Meanwhile in the last month I have also lost two friends from my Wellness Community support group and another is in hospice.

I am still not ready to write about my mother, but I wanted to at least begin to post so that I can write about whatever when I want to. It’s been hard not having an outlet. I’ve been doing a lot of comfort eating the last couple of months.

There’s been good stuff too, Z. and I have been having fun shopping for some new clothes for her as she’s parted with her boy clothes uniform and is interested in more feminine clothing. Nothing frilly or anything like that, but cute and fun things like her Snoopy and Woodstock tee shirt from Kohl’s (that fits her body, she is not afraid to show that she actually has a body anymore). And she passed the next level of her piano certification. She has been composing music on the electric piano almost daily lately, in addition to her obsessive drawing and her almost daily story writing. Her creativity is overflowing these days.

More about things later, but I will say that I miss my mom a lot. I still am incredulous that she is gone.

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